Open me up and you will see a gallery of broken hearts

I want to scream, I want to shout, I want to cry till my well run dry. I lose control when I hold too tight. And when I fall asleep, she plagued my dreams. 30 bits of glasses become my teeth. I lose my mind when I lose control, my own heart is afraid of an attack and he thinks it is foolish. I want to throw it all away even without knowing what I am throwing. I want to run like a coward to the door. It hurts to know that I am in love with my doubt. All he knows is to leave me in the ditch and never really intend to understand how I feel. I want to be strong. I want to face my demons. I don't want to cry to show him my weakness because that would mean I am surrendering. I loved you every second, of every hour and of every days. Adored every smile you gave and how close you would stay. I had decided to make your statement true. I've gone ahead and cheated on you. I actually thought that you loved me, I guess I was wrong. I trusted and love you, now I don't know. I don't if I trust you, if I love you. Everything is jsut so confusing, all different stories. Why won't you tell me the truth?How could you do this to me? I would have never thought of doing it to you and then denying that it had happened.

His cold hand snakes around me, the way they do around. I know there's another. There's no more 'I love you' back to me anymore. No more late nights, just you and me. There isn't any weekends getaways. Or early arrival on holidays. Now, it's just his computer games or his friends need him. I should have seen this coming. After all, it's what she gets for being stupid and gullible. Not long ago, it was I. And another had regrets. I thought I can change a cheater but a cheater never wins.

Friends or not, a leopard can never change its spots. You cheat on me once, you can do it again

http://rainbowlullaby.deviantart.com/art/cheat-liar-73017003

Well, I started my new occupation as a retail advisor at River Island in Ion 2 days ago. I am feeling really grumpy and irritated right now because of my period and Russell. It irks me to find out that after all this time, Patricia just wouldn't learn when to give up does she? It is partially Russell's fault too for always complying to her. My period is a pain in the ass, ugh. It throbs and hurts like fuck. Yesterday, she contact him again and had the guts to ask him out. I want to run her over with a truck. Over and over again. Whenever I think about it,my boil will boil.

Everything from the beginning was a mistake. I should have known this would have happened. Why did I get myself involved in a love triangle? Perhaps, if I hadn't agreed to that proposition on that night when we first met. I might not be in this confused state right now. Save me the hassle of being hurt and always being insecured. If I had known that she loved you oh-so-very much, I should have let you go when the time you had cheated on me. I guess dragging myself in this relationship, indeed as what my friends concluded, are somewhat true. Hurt, pain and betrayal. But the longer I dragged, I can't let go. I want to go out and see the flowers. I want to have a life where I can actally feel. Hahaha, jeez, no point in grieving afterall this is the path I chose. I chose this life for myself. I can't blame it on anyone but myself. I feel really depressed because on after another, your exgirlfriends comes looking for you. And you will start complying to them. First, it was Patricia and secondly, Anujing. They are getting on my nerves, soon. What a whole loads of craps! Like I mentioned, I regretted. I regretted the moment I met you, if I hadn't. My life might be slightly better being single. I am exhausted of being paranoid. I am exhausted of trying to make me the only one in your heart. I am exhausted of being blinded by hatred and fury. I am exhausted of taking in your bullshit. And I am exhausted of your deception and lies. Don't say you love me, if you don't fucking say it right from the bottom of your heart. Because lies hurts more than you ever know it. I don't want you to take love as a game to toy around with feelings.

In this love triangle, someone will win. Someone will lose. You say that I am no good. I say your are right and you start laughing. Watching you walk away, just with me alone. Drowsed with shame. I am afraid to play the game. Ashamed of letting you do this to me. When you say you love me, it makes me cringe with uneasiness inside because I never know whether it is the truth or not. Now I am just a puppet, dangling from the strings that you control.

I think I loved and liked you the most when you in the hallucination state because that is only when you bring laughter and love into me..

Love is like flipping a quarter, on one side you have pain and the other side is pleasure. Many are afraid to flip it again.

HAHAHAHA, guess what? I got yelled again by Russell Seth Low. Amazing isn't it? Apparantly I got yelled at because of a beef. Alright, I will start from the beginning of my tale of exactly what happened. It all started because of a spill. After Ann cooked the steak and I heat up the rice for him, I brought the food into his room. So that, he can play his computer and eat at the same time. He had steak, oxtail and rice for dinner. From my point of view, that the meat was rather soft and tender, I gave him spoon and knife. Perhaps, it was my bad. So, the food kinda spilled alittle and he got alittle pissed off. So I went back to the kitchen to get his fork for him. I was alittle frustrated though, seeing his black face. Who wouldn't? Not only that he doesn't want the oxtail. After that I left him alone. I brought his fruit and drink that I made for him. And irritatedly he said to me "you say you like the beef right?" I replied "yes" And his answer was "I don't like it". I mean come on, Ann has cooked for him. At least alittle appreciation. So I told him just put it aside then I will eat. I went back to the kitchen, and I just remembered if he doesn't like the beef, there was nothing else left to eat on his plate and the plate will be obstructing his way. I went back to his room and wanted to take plate. And thats where the whole fucked up ordeal started. I came back to his side and he literally threw his utensils on the plate and yelled at me. He yelled that I was so naggy and such. Like what the fuck, I didn't even say a single word AT ALL! I had actually wanted to slap, scratch, punch and kick the hell out of him. But I stopped because I don't want to argue. I just told him this "this is not what I expect from you as a token of appreciation" Took the plate away from him even though he insisted he will eat and just walk away. I wish that I knew, I wish that I knew if this was going to be the start of a fucked up ordeal. I wouldn't have spared a thought for him and try to adjust to his needs because he wouldn't appreciate.

You are killing me, and ripping me into shreds. You walked into my life but all I know is pain. I tried so hard not to let you in. Your good looks was the start of my miseries. You can't hear it that I am in pain, you can't see it that I am in pain, you can't feel it when I am in pain. All you ever know is just about yourself. I feel emotionally abused and verbally abused. I don't cry becuse I don't want you to see the tears. Cause if I were to shed a single tear for you, I am losing the battle. Outside, I may seem happy but inside there alot of things that I will never tell you. You always say I don't understand you. However, it seems that you DON'T understand me. Or you never bothered to. Soon, you will see it, this pain that you caused. Soon, you will hear it, this pain you caused. Soon, you will feel it, this pain that you caused. The colors are turning grey, I never wanted it to be this way. I loved you so much, I'm lost without your touch. I would never let you down but you just left me on the ground and didn't look back.